Sunday 7 April - Back on Board

We arrived back at the quayside and parted company with our driver.  He was one of those occasional guides we get on ship's excursions who hint quite openly about being given tips by passengers.  Being British, this is not something we can easily identify with.  After all, these tours aren't particularly cheap so we do tend to assume that the staff on them are actually being paid for their work!

A very relaxed-looking Mrs A posing at the back of the ship

Moreover, he was so obnoxious, including making a joke that those of a strong Christian conviction  might find offensive and also making a negative generalisation about Chinese people - as well as being full of himself for most of the time.

Here's the obligatory woman-thing photo on holiday - you know the thing - aren't my feet beautiful and, oh yes, there's a view of some exotic location beyond them (and if you can get a shot of some schooner - or is it the sloop John B in the background -  then even better)! 

But we've seen this before - however good or bad a guide might be, our US cousins start fetching out folding currency to pass to him.  With his microphone still on, he started thanking people for their 'green cards' - green cards are US residence permits for non-US citizens, but green is of course also the colour of US bank notes. We were one of the last off the bus and his hand was by then clutching quite a wad of notes - unbelievable!

Well, here's my man-thing holiday pic, a nice bit of man-spreading if you ask me and even if you don't!  Now my feet haven't been beautiful ever since I put them in the crystal-clear but infected waters of the South Pacific a few years ago but they are now getting there thanks to my dutiful wife's loving care of them and they may return to something like while I still have feet.  I couldn't get some West Indies cutter in my photo and had to make do with the bush on the sand bar that the local birds crowd together in waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting fish below

Back on board and knowing that the FA Cup semi-final between Watford and Wolves was in full swing - and that Watford were by now 2-0 down, we headed for the outdoor seating area of the cafeteria at the back of the ship to endure the torture of the remainder of the match.

Will I be able to cope with the stress of the rest of the match?

Watching the live updates about the match on the BBC Sport app, suddenly the score changed to 2-1.  Watford had scored and there was a glimmer of hope of a comeback.  Mrs A then found a live BBC radio stream for me to listen to.  With almost no time remaining, Watford brought the match level from the penalty spot.  Could I stand the excitement?  With my heart pounding and emotions running and extra time starting, the suspense was growing by the minute.  A penalty shoot out was the last thing I wanted.

Relief all round as the comeback kids come back from the death once again

And then that moment of magic and Watford were finally in the lead.  It's in these situations that Mrs A reminded me of the many times she had watched Leeds United and all she would then want was for the clock to race round till full-time.  But, as we know, in such circumstances, clocks actually slow down and the agony of waiting and the fear of the opponents scoring holds you in its grip.

A load more holidaymakers arrive on Aruba

Those last minutes of added time seemed to last as long as our cruise had so far but finally Michael Oliver blew his whistle and the team I used to watch as a lad and in the shadow of whose ground I was born were in their first FA Cup final for almost 35 years.

A glass of Prosecco was called for - included in our free drinks package - so tasting all the better for that!

Anyway, enough of that excitement. Now, I have a longish list of snippets to pass to you about life on this cruise, so I think it’s time for another one or two.  First of all we definitely find that we’re on the same side of the ship each time we dock.  It’s a matter of opinion as to whether this is good or bad, but we always seem to be on the sea side when we dock (except on Grand Cayman when we were at anchor).  Being on the sea side means you don’t get a view of the place you’re staying at.  On the other hand, it can be useful when Mrs A is prancing about getting dressed as only the seagulls can see her, rather than our latest destination’s local inhabitants!  And just for the record, we are on the starboard side of the ship – that’s the right hand side as you look to the front of the ship, said the teacher!

Airport runway just to the right of centre

The other thing I need to mention to you - if you're still awake - is that I never knew how complicated eggs could be.  I've had this suspicion before now, but on this cruise it's actually confirmed in writing.

Here you can see the runway and - to the right - the private island belonging to one of the big hotels in Oranjestad.  They have a tunnel from the interior of the hotel out into the sea so they can take guests to this island.  Sounds a bit like the Cavendish-Bentinck Duke of Portland at Welbeck with his tunnels from the house towards the station in Worksop to avoid being seen by the plebs!

For me, the problem always first rears its ugly head when, at breakfast, I go to the 'egg station' as they call it on board to ask for a fried egg.  By the way, you'd imagine that an 'egg station' would cover most eggs, wouldn't you?  Well, you'd be wrong.  If you want a poached egg you have to go to the 'poached egg station'!  Now back to my fried egg.  You may think that's a fairly straightforward thing to request, but no.  I always hope that the server will just produce my one or two fried eggs but he points to the sign above the servery and asks me what I want.

Now when I have gammon and eggs at our local pub, they don't ask me if I'd like it slightly undercooked with transparent egg white or just nicely done with a smooth and glossy egg white and a lovely liquid yellow yolk in a bubble shape on top or even if I'd like it frazzled to hell with burnt edges of egg white and a solid yolk as the fat was far too hot.  No, they need to know if I'd like it 'Easy', 'Over Easy', Sunny Side Up', 'Basted', 'Over Medium' or 'Over Well'.  Well, how the hell should I know?  I do have this fear and dread that Sunny Side Up is not as you might reasonably expect it to look and I also have this overwhelming sense of doom that, if I don't get my order right I'll end up with an upside down egg with a broken yolk and fried half to death.

And yet another load of tourists arrive on Aruba. Glad this plane didn't come in as we were passing the runway as it might have clipped our funnel!

I usually end up saying, in front of the queue of mainly Americans around me: "Now look here, my man, I'm British and we probably invented these egg things like most other things in this world and we don't use these ridiculous descriptions of how to mess with an egg!  I just want it with a solid white and a runny yolk still preferably contained within the bubble it was born with".  And, much to my surprise and satisfaction, I usually end up with what I want!